Not a lot to report today. Eric continues to be "stable," with the same ongoing issues. We fuss about a climbing PaCO2, and worry about a decreasing PaO2. The plan remains for Eric to go to Houston on Monday. Bob and I wish it could be quicker, but honestly, if it were quicker, it would mean that Eric was in a more desperate critical condition, and we don't want that. The docs in Houston are currently reviewing Eric's massive chart and need to make a plan before they take him over there. And we understand that. We want this transition to be orderly and without urgency. But that doesn't dissolve the brick in the pit of my stomach.
The pathology report, garnered from the lung tissue samples sent from Eric's operation, came back yesterday. The report ruled out everything possible, except "inflammation," which we already knew. So we still don't have a diagnosis. For lack of a better idea, the doctors have become increasingly open-minded to our theory that this is somehow all related to the bactrim.
As Bob and I tried to eat breakfast this morning, we talked about all the different things that have happened over the past month, and how, had we simply made other decisions at any number of different forks in the road, Eric's situation might be different right now. Starting with, If I hadn't taken him to the dermatologist. If she hadn't changed his antibiotic to bactrim. If I'd taken him to the doctor sooner. We didn't have a choice regarding hospital admission. We were two blocks away at the Children's Clinic. Eric needed to be admitted ASAP. And this is where they send their patients. But other decisions, like whether and when to change doctors, whether and when to go to Houston, etc. Eric's night nurse last night couldn't help but twist the knife and say, "I would have sent him two weeks ago." Thanks. So often in situations like this, in life in general, without being able to see the future, it's impossible to know the best option. And how does one live without regret? People say, "How could you have known?" and "You can't second-guess yourself," and "What's past is past, let's deal with the present." Yet regret seems to be as natural a human emotion as fear or joy, despair, hope. Anyway, I'm anxious to get to Houston. And hopeful, optimistic, that Eric will get better there.